in that spirit

Women Own The Holidays!
This week we're gonna get serious and deal with one of life's greatest mysteries - why are almost all of the gift giving holidays slanted towards women?
I know, I know, this is gonna arouse a little controversy, especially from some of you women out there. And ladies, please don't take this the wrong way - I still love yall as much as ever, but I have to tell it like it is. Bottom line, gift giving holidays are geared towards women receiving the majority of the gifts. It's as simple as that.
Ya'll should know me well enough by now to know that I'm not going to say something like that without being able to back it up. It's my responsibility as a serious journalist to support my statements with facts. So, in that spirit, here's a list of the six major gift giving holidays along with where all those gifts seem to be going:
1. Valentine's Day - Is there any couple alive who can honestly say on Valentine's Day that more money was spent on the man than the woman? If there's a couple like that out there, please write me, cause your story would make a full length column in and of itself. We all know, just by what is put on sale on Valentine's Day, that this holiday is slanted towards women. If you don't believe me, kindly tell me many men out there are longing for gifts like flowers, balloons, heart shaped boxes of candy, or edible underwear? Hmmm?
$$$ Advantage: Women.
2. Anniversaries - This is a slam dunk for women. Anniversaries exist solely to pay homage to the female in the relationship. Most times, she gets expensive jewelry, nice clothing items, trips, cars, etc., etc. What does the man typically receive? Usually either a mailbox, some work clothes, or a gift certificate to a store that doesn't exactly sell male oriented items (Victoria's Secret, for example). In fact, to no man's surprise, this certificate usually ends up being redeemed for items that benefit the woman.
$$$ Advantage: Women.
3. Mother's Day - I can't knock this one at all, but obviously the gifts all go to women on this day. In fact, any man worth his britches loves his mama and should be glad to pony up big on this holiday. I know I wish I could.
$$$ Advantage: Women.
4. Christmas - If Christmas was any more oriented towards women, Santa would physically resemble Martha Stewart. But, don't take my word for it, research it yourself - visit a Sears one day, walk through the store, and tell me if at least two-thirds of the items in there arent oriented towards women? I think that's why Sears is still hanging on in the retail world. If you want to see what happens when a store tries offering a more gender balanced mix of products, visit a K Mart (while you still can). They're learning the hard way what it means to not openly cater to women.
$$$ Advantage: Women.
5. Easter - When I was a boy growing up, I got lots of Easter candy each year, so I'll admit that food wise the holiday is a break even between boys and girls. However, what slants this one towards women are the clothes. Have you ever seen a young woman on Easter without a new dress and accompanying accessories? As for us guys, I can remember some years just being handed a new tie if I could still fit into my previous year's stuff.
$$$ Advantage: Women.
6. Father's Day - This is the only holiday where men rake in most of the loot. But, most wives, recognizing that, purchase gifts for their honey that ultimately end up benefiting them - stuff like gutter cleaners, new paint brushes, woodworking equipment,5838 Ugg Bailey Button Bomber Jacket Chestnut Boots, and the like. And guess what - all those things end up producing goods or services that ultimately benefit the woman.
$$$ Advantage: Debatable.
And there you have it - clear, non-biased proof that most gift giving holidays favor the woman. I guess this is to be expected, and is just as nature intended. I'd like to discuss this topic even more, but, I have to finish up this column right now. The upstairs bathtub is clogged, and this'll be the first chance I've had to use that new super strength plunger I received this past Christmas. And guess who gave it to me?